Think about it... Why do we continually do what we do?
Why?
A simple question...
...but it pains me... it peers into my soul and pries apart the deepest, darkest corners of me, revealing the worst parts, the most devious of schemes that I've failed to hand over to God...
Why?
Why do I continually run from God? I attempt to create my own life, my own path, and I fail, yet I repeat my actions, hoping in vain for a different reaction, a different result that will create joy for me, only to realize afterwards that I have thrown a wrench into the plan for ultimate joy, the pinnacle of God's will for my life...
Why?
Why is it that I continue to settle for lesser idols, to erect monuments in my name when I can erect towering cities in God's name?
I know the trite answer: "Because you are human, because the flesh is weak"... That fails to stop me along the disasterous road I travel down in pursuit of my glory... what can stop me?
What?
What am I doing here? What's my purpose at HBU? Is it simply to have met Ruth, someone I can never hope to deserve, never hope to match? I love her, but my inadequacies seem insurmountable... my frailties too numerous... I know better than to idolize her as perfection, yet she continues to astound me in her faithfulness to God and to her family... even to me, when I let her down...
I'm tired... I always seem to write these late at night, so now I leave...
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