I've reached the end of myself...

...though not in a good way... tonight at work I nearly passed out... I went to drink some water and didn't even register that the water was touching my lips... I made it through, but now realize why this weariness is becoming a common thing...

Mom was talking with me the other day about how, as homeschoolers, we had our own pace, weren't involved in everything, but that public schoolers, almost from before middle school, have their bodies adjust to the rapid pace of involvement for the sake of being involved [my words, not hers :) ]... We didn't get too involved, we focused on getting the 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night, getting the nutrition and food needed to be healthy and alive, so hitting this thing in college where everyone wants you to join things and do stuff, other people are used to being in 7 organizations, taking 19 hours, and have 2 part time jobs and 1 full time job while still managing to have some social life between the hours of midnight and 3 AM before they go to sleep at 4 AM and then wake up at 7 AM to start the next day... My body, strong though it is, has finally sent me a final warning, an ultimatum if you would... I think if my mind had been any more aware, I would have felt scared, but even my simple feelings had shut down to minimal functions...

To piggy-back on that epiphany, here's another one I had: the first few quarters at HBU, I committed a little, but still tried to get sleep; then, I became an RA last year, and that started my commitment-fest, but my body had slightly acclimated to the rigorous, hectic schedule I put it through in order to appease my renaissance-man passions, and on top of that I began taking Reliv again as regularly as possible, which helped to balance out all the stress I was putting my body through... then, this year comes along... I'm in 8 organizations, holding 4 jobs (5 if I go through with something, but I'mma say no), living on campus, I have a girlfriend, and at the moment I can't think of anything else happening, but I'm sure there's more... oh yeah! Plus I want to have a social life... however that works out... Essentially, I've been living in the redline zone, but Reliv has allowed for that lfiestyle to occur... I've been pushing it even further lately, and Reliv doesn't make you bulletproof... the zone I was in was fine, but pushing beyond that I realize how far up the scale I already am... Next semester, I am going to quite most of my organizations... I'm going to drop a few jobs... I knew mentally I couldn't continue on the path I've been on, but now...

Lovesong talked about chapter 2 verse 10 that talks about foxes in the vineyards, and Chuck said you need to actively pursue the eradication of those foxes as they'll destroy your relationship... one of the common foxes he named was being overworked, and at that point I decided to back down from my commitments, but tonight has just solidified that fact...

Well, there's more to be said, but I told Ruth I'd go to bed before 2, so away I go... Rest well, oh world... I shall see thee in a few hours...